34: Concentration

I've tried to write pesky blog number 34 for quite some time now, and I keep getting distracted by the tiniest of things - such is the wafer thin level of concentration in my noggin.

As all of these little notes are dedicated to things that I hate, I had previously tried to write about about a dozen little things but kept going off track somewhat and deciding that I hated something else even more. Then I'd eat a bakewell slice, have a nap and play Portal 2 for a bit.

My first idea was to talk about people who wear glasses when they don't need them. I have - despite many warnings from my mother about various teenage activities that would limit my vision - 20/20 vision. I know. I'm as stunned as you, to be honest.

I know a lot of people that rock a pair of glasses, and in many ways I am jealous of their awesome face furniture. Glasses are cool, no doubt about it. But I have been led to believe by the lady in the laser eye surgery commercial that it's possibly slightly preferable to have working eyes. After all, she looks so happy. After just two hours!

I'm not sure if people who wear glasses get as annoyed about this as me, but the only people who wear glasses without prescription lenses in them tend to be girls that think they're alternative because they once bought a fairisle knit cardigan from the Cancer Research shop and guys who have stupid hair and pretend to read Dostoyevsky on the tube. Cunts.

Then there's Radio 1.

As a former BBC employee I used to be limited in what I say about Radio 1, however as I'm now as free as a bird let me speak out on a couple of subjects:

1: It's not a "music festival" if all of the bands that are playing have essentially been chosen because they represent 80% of your daytime playlist.
2: I'm not that happy at you fuckers spending the license fee (that could be dedicated to you know, actually saving local radio) on putting on said "festival" and then mentioning it in every link for six weeks before and after the so-called event.
3: Fearne Cotton is the worst presenter in the world.
4: Greg James is the second worst.

Of course, this isn't as annoying as the new opening credits for the Simpsons.

Why change it? Yes, it jumped the shark ages ago (series 10, "The Principal and the Pauper") but I could still watch old episodes and bask in their timeless humour (something that Family Guy will never be able to do). Now there's an opening credits that tries to make minor characters important (the fucking one eyebrowed baby? Fuck you), has Sherri and Terri playing on Nintendo DSs and somehow manages to make a programme that is now in HD and better animated than ever look as cheap as a Primark wedding dress.

Not to mention that all new episodes of the Simpsons seem to follow the same formula:

Homer does something dumb
This leads to them going to a different place
Episode takes place in different place (Ireland, Italy, Africa, the Midwest)
Mild racism and minor wackiness ensues.

Don't even get me started on bicycle seats.

Riding a bike is fun, right? So why should the seat make me feel like I've been violated by an angry bear that is wearing that spiked sheathed from the film Seven?

Also, women who go out walking at a slow pace whilst wearing leggings, anoraks and carrying a bottle of water: That is NOT proper exercise. Try running. Or walking further than the small loop near your house with two of your friends talking about Emmerdale. Get out of my cycle lane.

I forget what this was about. Oh yes. Concentration, that's it.

Nope, I've got nothing.

But I will enjoy a bakewell slice.

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